“The thing about an intimacy wall is that it always exists. It can be a monolithic giant in your life or it can be a hurdle. It’s up to you” Tammy Cunningham
Relationship Tip #3: Forgive people when they’re up against their intimacy wall. When your person (husband, wife, child, co-worker) has withdrawn in a variety of ways (on the computer, in a project, watching tv, just being silent or spending tonnes of time outside the house), it suggests that they’ve hit an intimacy wall. First rule don’t take it personally. It means they have gone as far as they can before they have to make a really big push to get through it. Second, acknowledge and encourage them in a loving way. “I miss you and I want you back.” Third, invite them back in: “It would feel good to go for a drive [or cuddle or prepare a meal together, whatever it is you had fun times doing]. Fourth, let go of expectations. It will often take awhile for the message to get through. Leave it with them and keep your heart open. You can’t push them through it, they have to go through on their own. This means letting go of being right and needing to control. And leads to the fifth point: take care of yourself. You have your own walls and limits. Make life good for you. Notice where you’re blocked and take care of it. It will change your energy and open people up around you.
Relationship Tip #1: Recently people have been asking me for advice on dating and relationship. Here’s one of my best tips… make sure you have a list of qualities. But it’s not what you think. It’s a list of qualities that you want to have, be and share in your life. Here’s a small sampling of my list: “I like feeling like I’m on a team. I want to be on team love.” Make sure it’s a list that you, and the person you’re attracting, can win at. If there are things on the list that are stretch for you… get stretching, learning and growing.