Between you and every individual you know there’s a space. That space is your relationship with that person. Think of it like ballroom dancing, where partners hold each other in a “frame” with their arms. The space between them is where the relationship goes. Now everything that we resist doing, saying and being in any part of our lives goes into that space, so there’s less room for the relationship. And if you’ve ever danced with someone who’s distracted, you know how hard that can be on your level of enjoyment and sometimes crushed toes.
Think about a time when you’ve been worried about something. Deeply stressed. How was it to be with other people? You probably found yourself unable to focus completely on what was happening around you. You go out with a friend and the conversation leads to “what’s new” and you feel that horrible feeling because what’s new isn’t great or worse it’s all the same not great stuff. Your coffee chats end up being advice giving parties where no takes advice, especially not the advice they’re giving.
And as a result you’re not as present as you can be with the people you care about. Your children, your pet, at your job with your coworkers, the love of your life. We go around in circles in our mind thinking about probabilities, possibilities, and we put things off until tomorrow. And that get’s in the way.
So, here’s what to do. Take a fresh piece of paper and pen. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Now write on the top of the page, “The things I’m resisting doing”. In point form, without explanation, write them items. Here’s a list of things that could on your list:
* Financial matters such as taxes, calls to accountants, outstanding bills
* Creative projects, such as that book you’re planning to write, knitting projects, sewing projects
* Social obligations, such as the thank you notes for your wedding, the phone calls you keep putting off, the lunches you said you would have but never followed through on
* Completing on things like your divorce, getting government papers, updating information
* A call or visit to the doctors, dentist, optomitrist, veterinarian
And of huge importance in my humble relationship-centric opinion
* Incomplete and unhealed relationships
This should give you a good idea and frankly shouldn’t take long at all. I mean really this is the stuff that’s just below the surface all the time. Now that the list is done, take a really good look at it. Ok, tough love warning: These are the things that you are putting in the way of your relationships. That’s right, I said it. This is what you’re choosing instead of being in relationship. This is how we create that famous and all too familiar intimacy wall I keep going on about. We all have lists like this and in my business and in the MASTERY we call it the “unconfrontable list”, because the confronting of it just puts your head on the wash, rinse and repeat cycle.
Now here’s what to do. Separate the list into three categories. The first category is things I must do myself. The second category is things that I need other people to do. The third category is things I need help with. Now that you’ve done that,rate each list by the degree of difficulty/time it would take to accomplish.
You’re probably going to notice something. That the things that seem huge can be resolved very quickly and easily. Like taxes. You call someone and say, “can you do my taxes please.” The say, “sure, bring your receipts over.” And then it becomes a matter of transportation rather than your fear of governmental forms.
However many items you have on your list, is how many weeks you have to confront those tasks. The first items could be the scariest, or the could be the quickest. I suggest the quickest, because it will give you a feeling of accomplishment. You decide. The important thing is to be easy on yourself about it and to celebrate every win.
I want to get back to the original thrust of this post. The reason to do this is not so that you get a big tax refund, or new glasses. The reason to do this is so much deeper than that. Because once you start to shift the resistance out of the space between you and your relationships, even a tiny little shift, you will be more available for those relationships. All sorts of things will happen that you could not have seen coming and you would not have been prepared to welcome in your life. You will be more available for fun and play. The people in your life will look at you in a renewed way. You will look better and more attractive without the ongoing stress in your life. This is just what happens when we prioritize love.