Divorce Sucks!!! Here’s how to handle it.

Relationship Tip #31: Divorce sucks. It is usually very painful when dealing with your divorce, particularly when children are involved. All the secrets can come out, sides are taken and often very bad and inexpert advice is given. 
While you’re in your divorce take these important steps.
1. Make sure your children feel safe. Don’t enroll your children into the dispute. It disrupts their feelings of safety.
2. Seek proper legal advice. And seek out support groups if necessary.
3. Be reasonable, even if you don’t like. For example:
a) Don’t threaten to cut the other person off of necessities like money, food, insurance. 
b) Don’t empty the bank accounts and try to starve the other person out. It’s still 50/50 until the deed is done.
c) Don’t quit your high paying job to work making less money, just so that you don’t have to pay child support. In fact, don’t even utter the words.
d) Don’t stop paying bills. The mortgage, the hydro all these things must stay in place for your children and ultimately for you too.
e) Don’t take advantage of the other person or the situation.
4. If you find that you can’t contain your anger, seek counselling or go to anger management. Or call me. I can help you with that.
5. Play fair. For example:
a) Don’t threaten people with exposure of intimacies that you held. Anything that you wouldn’t have said before the break-up is still off limits. There is no time limit or expiration date.
b) Don’t blackmail the other party.
c) Don’t round up a posse or lynch mob against the other party.
6. Stay strong. Use your voice and stand up for yourself with integrity. If you’re being bullied do everything to make sure that stops. Don’t let yourself be bullied into submission or a bad deal that will leave you in horrific circumstances.
7. Surrender to the process, rather than trying to control everything. It will be a much less bumpy ride.
If I were to give you an assignment it would be to picture your life in 5 years. Picture your children happy. Picture yourself with a new partner that you mutually love. Picture your soon to be Ex happy. Picture yourself in the future with everyone (ex-inlaws, friends) getting along and sharing special occasions with laughter and camaraderie. Now, make that your goal. To get to that. And act accordingly to get to that goal. It starts now. Because either way you’re going to have a future together, it might as well be good.
The simple breakdown: Forgive. Look at the bigger picture. Forgive yourself. Get help. Forgive some more.


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