10 Rules to Dating

Relationship Tip #27: Tammy’s 10 Rules to Dating:
1. Let go of your agenda.
2. Be direct, no dropping hints or strategizing.
3. Ask questions. Check things out, don’t make assumptions.
4. Vote with your feet. If something’s not cool, leave.
5. Let go of the monster list of things the other person must be to qualify to be with you, and focus on how you want to feel and how you want the other person to feel.
6. Say “yes”.
7. Tell the truth.
8. Drop the drama. Everything is not a big deal.
9. Take care of yourself first.
10. Practice forgiveness, especially for yourself.
I love what Evan Marc Katz says, “Dating is 99% failure”. So keep your heart open to love.


What I love about you…

Relationship Tip #28: What you love in another is what you need more of in life. I was recently at a MoMonday talk where I heard Robert Corbett speak about this and it’s been percolating in my mind for over a week. I tested the theory. I wrote down a list of the attributes that I admired in the man I loved and dated most recently. I came up with an astonishing list of things that I already AM, as well as things my heart yearns for. I realized that he was the reason that I travelled to Costa Rica on the first non-work/for-pleasure-only trip in over five years. I was inspired by him. He reminded me of my high school sweetheart in many ways. His kindness, and the way he made friends so easily, his adventurous travel plans and gentlemanly behaviour. I realized that I’m attracted to men like that because, it’s what I want more of in my life.
And I remembered something else. Years ago, I was surprised when at the end of a relationship the man I had been with suddenly started socializing and arranging parties and dinners. It had always been my area of expertise. He was obviously fulfilling a desire in himself. I hope I was the catalyst for him and I’m grateful for the catalyst that my previous relationships have brought me.
So, what about you? I’m sure that you could shout out the top things right off the top of your head. Yet, if I were to give you an assignment to go even deeper it would be this.
* Write the name of a past or current relationship, lover or even a crush. You could even write the name of a person you have idolized. A terrific friend, teacher, family member or public figure.
* Now list the things that you admire, leaving a margin at the side of the list.
* Then treat the list like you’re collecting baseball or hockey cards. Write beside each attribute either “got it” (for the things that are just like you or you have in your life) and “want it” (for the things you want more of in your life).
* And finally, be grateful for the love, whether you’re with that person or not.
I’d love to hear some shout-outs.”