Month: January 2013
Crazy in Love
Relationship Tip #21: Some of us live in Crazy Town and some of us are just passing through. Crazy town is that place we go when we hit an intimacy wall, or get scared, or confronted.
It can be just a fleeting moment in our reactions. Someone says that thing to you that triggers something unhealed and yucky, and you find yourself in Crazy Town turning the corner from Misunderstanding Boulevard to Primal Reactions Street. And you’re back from your unscheduled trip in just a few minutes.
Or you hit the wall hard, and spend an entire relationship there, never quite working out the childhood issues you had with your mother,father or a childhood bully.
Crazy town is broken up into smaller neighbourhoods. There’s Dramaville, Victim Village, Depressionside where the main street is Sagging Couch Lane. There’s Addiction Alley filled with many delightful distractions. And who can forget Self Sabotage Town. So many areas to discover and lanquish in.
Awareness is the first step to getting out of town. Think about it, where do you find yourself? I’ve been there. When I hit my wall, I end up at a “special place” called Jealousy lane and Regret Crescent. It’s a cul-de-sac and it’s hard to leave. Where do you visit when you go to Crazy Town? If you’re not sure about your “special place” ask a loved one. You may want to be sitting down when the tell you.
Once you know, there are three things you must do right away:
1. Admit to your loved ones. They already know, but at least you’re all on the same page.
2. Make a commitment to leave Crazy Town. Develop an exit strategy. Develop a care protocol that you use. If not to get yourself out, but at least to minimize the damage.
3. Forgive yourself, forgive yourself, forgive yourself.
Be compassionate of other people’s visits to Crazy Town.
It can be just a fleeting moment in our reactions. Someone says that thing to you that triggers something unhealed and yucky, and you find yourself in Crazy Town turning the corner from Misunderstanding Boulevard to Primal Reactions Street. And you’re back from your unscheduled trip in just a few minutes.
Or you hit the wall hard, and spend an entire relationship there, never quite working out the childhood issues you had with your mother,father or a childhood bully.
Crazy town is broken up into smaller neighbourhoods. There’s Dramaville, Victim Village, Depressionside where the main street is Sagging Couch Lane. There’s Addiction Alley filled with many delightful distractions. And who can forget Self Sabotage Town. So many areas to discover and lanquish in.
Awareness is the first step to getting out of town. Think about it, where do you find yourself? I’ve been there. When I hit my wall, I end up at a “special place” called Jealousy lane and Regret Crescent. It’s a cul-de-sac and it’s hard to leave. Where do you visit when you go to Crazy Town? If you’re not sure about your “special place” ask a loved one. You may want to be sitting down when the tell you.
Once you know, there are three things you must do right away:
1. Admit to your loved ones. They already know, but at least you’re all on the same page.
2. Make a commitment to leave Crazy Town. Develop an exit strategy. Develop a care protocol that you use. If not to get yourself out, but at least to minimize the damage.
3. Forgive yourself, forgive yourself, forgive yourself.
Be compassionate of other people’s visits to Crazy Town.
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Live for Love
Relationship Tip #20: Live your life like you’re the example of good living. Whether you’re a parent or not, behave as though you are teaching impressionable youth to live well through example alone.
I remember a time when my niece was about two. She stubbed her toe and blurted “oh fudge”, but it wasn’t fudge that she said. My sister and I looked at each other shocked. It was a very real example of how she was learning from people around her (I’m sure she didn’t learn that from me 😛 ).
I remember hearing a great piece of advice given to a woman who wasn’t sure if she should marry her boyfriend. She had to ask herself if she would be proud to have a son that was just like her boyfriend, because that’s the kind of son she would end up with. (She’s married but not to that guy)
Sometimes it’s scary, because being a good example means doing something that pushes you to confront your demons, or step up to something that’s more exciting than you’re used to. If you want the children in your life to have a good life, and you are that example, then it’s intensely important to work towards happiness, contentment, compassion for yourself and others, and relationships that work.
I am constantly inspired by people. I stand in wonder at the beauty that people have created in their lives. I’m inspired by the bravery of people who make scary choices, confront issues, speak their truth, surrender to love, apologize, act with kindness and charity, walk away from bad situations, admit their weaknesses, step in to help, toot their own horn, ask for what they want, overcome their conditioning, travel and meet people, fly their freak flag, forgive others, forgive yourself, quit an addiction, face their bullies and persecutors, let go of control and righteousness, and carry on even after heartbreak and still choose love.
I hope we can all be an inspirational example to each other.
I remember a time when my niece was about two. She stubbed her toe and blurted “oh fudge”, but it wasn’t fudge that she said. My sister and I looked at each other shocked. It was a very real example of how she was learning from people around her (I’m sure she didn’t learn that from me 😛 ).
I remember hearing a great piece of advice given to a woman who wasn’t sure if she should marry her boyfriend. She had to ask herself if she would be proud to have a son that was just like her boyfriend, because that’s the kind of son she would end up with. (She’s married but not to that guy)
Sometimes it’s scary, because being a good example means doing something that pushes you to confront your demons, or step up to something that’s more exciting than you’re used to. If you want the children in your life to have a good life, and you are that example, then it’s intensely important to work towards happiness, contentment, compassion for yourself and others, and relationships that work.
I am constantly inspired by people. I stand in wonder at the beauty that people have created in their lives. I’m inspired by the bravery of people who make scary choices, confront issues, speak their truth, surrender to love, apologize, act with kindness and charity, walk away from bad situations, admit their weaknesses, step in to help, toot their own horn, ask for what they want, overcome their conditioning, travel and meet people, fly their freak flag, forgive others, forgive yourself, quit an addiction, face their bullies and persecutors, let go of control and righteousness, and carry on even after heartbreak and still choose love.
I hope we can all be an inspirational example to each other.
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A radical dating idea
Here’s a dating to find “the one” concept that might be a somewhat controversial: Men are best to date one woman at a time because men get overwhelmed by too many choices and women are best to date more than one man at a time, because women often settle too quickly. What do you think?
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Intimacy
“The thing about an intimacy wall is that it always exists. It can be a monolithic giant in your life or it can be a hurdle. It’s up to you” Tammy Cunningham
Tammy Cunningham 