Good Sex

Relationship Tip #11: Sex advice. When you’re with your lover remember to pay attention to the curves and bends. Particularly the inside curves. Press open mouth kisses on the inner elbow and back of knee, along the side of the waist and anywhere that bends. You will drive your partner wild and be delighted with the squirming, squealing and panting that is the result.  Tammy Cunningham

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Assignment… grown-up playdates

Relationship Tip #9 (Assignment): Make a silly playdate (even if it’s just a phone date) with someone you’ve spent time laughing with. Possible playdate things to do: go to a comedy club, see a funny movie, have lunch and talk about old times, make prank calls to other understanding friends (great if you can only make a phone date). And above all have fun.

Is your iPod breaking your heart?

Relationship Tip #8:

Dump your sad song play list. I love this quote from the movie High Fidelity (must watch, it’s just so damn good) about music and relationships, “What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?”
Declutter your collection people. Or at least make a list that is about being happy and fulfilled in love.

3 Steps to Becoming a Powerful Communication

Relationship Tip #6: How to be a powerful communicator. Three very important rules. 1. Notice how you feel and make sure that what you say matches what you feel. Example: When you’re disappointed and you say “that’s ok”, when in fact, you feel disappointed. So the truthful answer is “I feel disappointed”. Don’t make a production of it. Just say the truth.
2. When someone says something that gives you the ickies, call the ickie out. This means, when someone says something that leaves you feeling guilty, embarrassed, discredited, angry.., instead of staying silent (which is what most of us do) or going into a big defence, or , say “That didn’t feel good” or event just “yuck”, or “ouch”
3. When you say something leave out any agenda, hinting, strategizing and drama. This means that if you want someone to do something, know something, be something to you or you’re simply pissed off…, you say it in a very clear way. And always from an “I” statement. As soon as you make someone else responsible for your feelings and desires you’re in drama territory.
Remember to talk responsibly, and as always, if you’ve bungled your way through it, let yourself off the hook and forgive yourself.

3 ways to deal with inimacy

Relationship Tip #5: If you find yourself complaining about someone, or trying to figure out what they’re thinking or how to deal with someone to everyone but the actual person. This is you experiencing an intimacy wall. There are 3 really big reasons to push through this wall.
1. Complaining to others is detrimental to your relationship. If your person knew… they would feel betrayed. And they would be right. You are actively betraying that person. And further to that, you are actively betraying your relationship. There are 3 parties in each group of 2. You, them and the relationship. So, yes, this means you are also betraying yourself.
2. Unless you’re talking to a relationship guru, coach or a full-on psychic your complaint-mates really don’t have a clue. And neither do you. How often have you thought I can’t say this or that because it will they will say that or this… only to discover that you were wrong.
3. No one grows from this kind of experience. You may feel a little better, because you feel right or justafied. These are the times that you get to learn about your self and become a bigger person and go deeper into intimacy. You get to take responsibility. And everytime we get through these things, the relationship becomes deeper. EVERYTIME.
As always, if you have been doing this… forgive yourself.

Right?

Relationship Tip #4: Ask yourself, “Would I rather be right or in relationship.”. Being right is one of the main causes of relationship failure. A good example of what I’m talking about is the towels. I know so many people who must have the towels folded in a specific way and “can’t handle” it when someone does it “wrong”. This is not very relationship building. I personally would rather have a close relationship with a partner or my children and a messy linen closet. Being right leads us down a path to over-functioning, feeling alone, and putting up barriers to open and loving communication. Because you will end up doing everything, by yourself and the people around you will be tippy toeing instead of having an open heart to you. If you suddenly realize that you’ve been making your rightness more important than your love, forgive yourself and say yes to relationship.